I wouldn’t exactly classify myself as an old dog, but when you repeat a pattern or cycle for longer than a decade you can begin to feel like one, especially when that pattern involves endless partying. Our generation (the elder Millennials) are well known for it, binge drinking till dawn and waking up in strange places, blackouts, you get the idea. In high school it was almost like a right of passage to see who could drink more or get the highest. Who could take the most pills or smoke the most weed. That’s the way it was in my social circle anyway. I think many high school kids experiment this way and often go on to college to repeat the cycle there for four more years, but when does it all come to an end? For some, never. For me, the party didn’t stop until it had to when I got pregnant. My old ways of opening a bottle of wine and drinking it to myself (okay… 2 bottles) was a familiar habit, albeit a bad one, that continued on for one too many years I will admit, but there is nothing like pregnancy to sober a girl up! I wouldn’t classify myself as a full blown alcoholic, but possibly at times a high functioning one. I could hold my liquor quite well for a smaller sized human and I found a great deal of comfort in boozing. Bad day? Wine. Good day? Wine. Tuesday? Wine. The vino became my security blanket when out with friends or home alone watching repeats of RuPaul (they aren’t really considered repeats if you don’t remember watching them the first time, right?!) I don’t think I attended a function sober until the age of 32 when I was preggers, which is pretty nuts and kind of sad to think about actually. I blame alcoholism in my family and social anxiety for my old ways, plus I just really love wine. Nevertheless, it was my way of feeling comfortable around people and it went on for a long time. Now that I am a mom, this method doesn’t quite jive with my new lifestyle. Don’t get me wrong, I still love a glass of wine and would gladly finish a bottle if I weren’t afraid of the outcome the next day, the whole parenting hungover part makes me want to have a mental breakdown just thinking about it. I’m pretty sure the day will come, but for now, no thanks. So I have found myself in a place where I need to find an entirely new coping mechanism for the good days and the bad days and the Tuesdays. Not gonna lie, life isn’t near as exciting as before and finding a replacement for alcohol is hard! Wine culture has become such a huge and acceptable way of life. My love for wine is still very real, but do I want to be one of those wine moms? No, not really. So how do ex-party girls/new baby mommas cope when their go-to habit no longer fits into their lifestyle? Personally, I haven’t really found a concrete answer but luckily for me I am usually so tired by the time I finish working and parenting for the day that I just fall asleep and that takes care of it. Waking up day after day not hungover is amazing though! I still often think about my old friend Malbec and wonder how she’s doing, and I’m tempted to rekindle the romance. I just don’t feel right being a wine mom. Maybe because of seeing my own mom drunk a lot when I was a kid and I don’t want to be that way for my own daughter. So what do cool moms who don’t drink much do to take the edge off? Alcohol is just so easy and socially acceptable (for some reason). Weed? Yes, weed is great. We love weed. But weed is also hindering at times. CBD is super great! Takes the edge off without the memory loss or fogginess. Afterall I do want to remember my daughter at this age. When I do have alone time, which is not very often, I like to do macrame and yoga, both are good for my soul. I also like to spend time laying around with my dogs, something I used to take for granted and don’t have as much time for anymore with a super active 9 month old running circles around me. I still haven’t quite found the supplement for social gatherings just yet, but I don’t mind because I really don’t have much time for that these days anyway. I have a new found interest in plants and gardening, so I have started playing around with that. I think it is cool to teach yourself new ways when you come to a point in life where old habits no longer fit. Unfortunately, taking a new path means losing some of yourself along the way but I think that’s where the magic really happens. You cannot grow if you do not change. I guess the moral of the story is, there is life after wine. You just have to look for it and be willing to evolve. Wine will always be there, and I am looking forward to a day where her and I can hangout again, just in a more casual setting.
Dear Wine,
I still love you but we just cant hang like we used to, I hope you understand.
Xoxo
